I was feeling creative last night so I pulled out my last zucchini from the fridge. I wanted to make it beautiful,& sophisticated and delicious. What was I going to do? HUM... I looked in my freezer and found 1 more packet of chicken I had set up. That isn't enough for two people I thought. I pondered over my dilema and that little light bulb above my head lit up. I will make a Zucchini Roll that looks a bit like sushi. I cut up my zucchini into quarters and dug out the middle a bit. Then I cut each quarter in half. Looking good I thought. Now what else other than chicken can I put into this. The Angels above I could hear singing "Mushrooms, garlic and onions OH yeah" a little Lala here and a doowop. I sauteed them and chopped it up to make a nice filler around the chicken and stuck it right in the center of the Zucchini roll (which, by the way I was building on a sprayed baking sheet) I set the oven at 425 degrees to preheat. I looked at those little beauties that were looking kind of drab. What could I do to make them look exquisite and also make it so when they were handled they would not fall apart. Mozzarella cheese and a small bit of chopped up sun dried tomato should do the trick I thought. They were delicate and dazzling. Off to the oven they went. The air smelled glorious. I love the smell of garlic cooking. Very few smells are as pleasing to me. I think the only smells that are better still come from my oven but at Christmas time. All of the ginger, cloves and cinnamon, the fantastic festive smells of the Holidays. So I baked the zucchini rolls for about 15 minutes or at least until the cheese was melted and just starting to brown. Those little babies were beauts. I ran out and collected a couple of Hybiscus flowers, because this dish deserved a bloom as radiant as it was. I laid that blossom of sunshine and rose in the corner of my long sushi style plate and then added steamed broccoli as a side dish. I topped off the dish with some Mandrine sauce and presented it to my Husband to replyed "Wow! This looks absolutely delicious". Now how many Hubby's would say that about veggies for diner?
You know I just love it when my family appreciates what I do. Well they always appreciate it, but I still love to hear it. I don't want them to have to feel like they have to say it. I just like it when they say it without really thinking about it and it just rolls out of their mouths. Kind of like telling someone you love them. You don't want to feel like you have to say it every five minutes to please the other but if you say it without thinking about it... well there's so much truth to those words at that moment.
I have always wanted the family I have now. Close. I always wanted the "Little House on the Praire" life. The life where Ma and Pa always get along no matter how hard things get. The kind of family you could always count on to have your back and the kind that works together to achieve thier goals. Well Chad and I have managed that. We are Ma and Pa. I have always wanted this relationship too with Chads family. It was never easy and I don't think I ever found what I wanted. Coming from the broken family that I did somewhere I hoped that I would find some parental stability. If I couldn't find it with my parents than maybe with my spouses parents. I was wrong. There was always something to get in the way; whether it was my Ex-sister in Law (thank goodness she is gone), or the fact that I was taking her boy away, or I was looked at as being lazy for my messy home at the time, or how I raised my children very free spirited... It just was always too hard. I never told my Mother-in-Law that part of the reason we left the family farm was because I was going to leave. I didn't want to divorce Chad. That was never a thought. I just had to leave for awhile to catch my breath. I was having anxiety attacks that left my chest aching for two days at a time and I really thought I was having heart attacks, but I wasn't. In a way though my heart was broken and so was I. Many times I would look at Elligo lake and think... no one will miss me, I could just drive right in. The hurt would go away and maybe finally everyone will be happy. The only thing that stopped me were my kids and husband. It would have killed them. I could handle killing myself but not them. So then the ultimatum. We had to leave the farm or I would. Chad chose college. For the first time It did not matter that the Bitch next door was there weaving and spinning her lies that my mother in law was listening to and absorbing. I was going to be free. My EX sister in law couldn't even wait for us to move. She went over and began painting before we were even out of the house. She put my feather pillow at the bottom of the hamper and poured water over it and then put the clothes with manure on top so I would not see it. Completely ruined my pillow. She packed up our bedroom into black trash bags and managed to break a brass antique that had belonged to my Grand Father Holcomb. The only thing I had left from him. She was evil and rubbed in the fact that she couldn't wait for us to be gone and she was happy. She won her victory... or so she thought. Shortly after we left she was finally caught in another relationship. All of her lies about me and my family were all to keep the focus on us and off of her so she could betray her own family. The damage though was done. It has taken a long time to move past it all and finally I do feel closer to my In laws than I ever have. I am still afraid though. I am afraid to move back home for fear that all of the bad will begin again with not only my In Laws but my own family. I am afraid that I will never measure up and maybe I don't want to find out. Maybe we are better just being us. Maybe Little House on the Praire only happens on T.V.