Saturday, September 12, 2009

Chocolate Appology

So today I am not going to write in a recipe. I am a little under the weather and do not feel like experimenting or cooking; That being said however, I will give you a tip on chocolate cravings. I love, love, LOVE CHOCOLATE. Russel Stover puts out AWESOME sugarfree chocolates. The best part??? They now have a variety pack. Chocolate covered toffee, peanutbutter cups, and mints or Chocolate covered coconut, carmel filled, and chocolate truffels. Go get some. I did. YUM!!!

I often do not feel good about me. To be honest most of the time I do not like me. I don't know why because if I were to meet someone like me out and about I would think the world of me. Do you know what I mean? When I am angry or stressed and I do not know why(which happens a lot)I think "God.... I hate me". I runs through my mind like a disc set on repeat. I does nothing to make me feel better. I guess maybe I need someone to blame or to take my frustrations out on. Who better than myself? The problem is how do you change the way you feel or think if you can not pin point what exactly at that moment made you feel like that; And what if you know what frustrated you? What if it is such a small thing but to you it is huge? You know to walk away but the damage is done. You hate you. You can't be mad over the small stuff and voice it right? What to do....

I have been out of sorts the last couple of days. We took our kids and my client yesterday to the new frozen yogurt store yesterday. I helped my client and showed my son how much to put into his bowl (it is self serve there). I helped my client put on toppings of her choice but didn't show my son. When it came time to pay my son had overloaded his dish with m&m's, cookies, chocolate chips, and this sour fruit roll stuff. ARGH I was soooo mad at him. It cost me almost $10.00 for the two yogurts and I was just furious. I was actually so angry that I expressed it to him and made him feel horrible. I was horrible. I sat in my chair with that same poutie look that my father had when he wasn't getting his way or was in need of showing disappointment. Shame on me. I say that now because as I sat there and I again saw his face light up at me and then change to sadness as he noticed my poutie poo poo face I remembered the same situation happen to me. I was maybe 7th grade. We had go to vacation in Florida. On the way back home the weather was bad and we were stranded. We rented a car and while we were waiting for the rental we noticed on of my older sisters friends stranded. My parents offered her a ride home and she was thrilled. Somewhere on the way we stopped at a little cafe and picked up some food. My Dad had asked me what I wanted. I remember picking out a croissant and a danish. We ate in the car. I enjoyed both of the items I had chosen and was glad to eat. I was starving. It was only after I ate that the other girl expressed she was now hungry. My parents asked where was the danish and the croissant? "I ate them" I replied. My parents lit into me big time. I felt like a pig... a fat pig. How could I have eaten both of those items? Why didn't I check to see if everyone had something? I ruined the ride. I pissed them off and all I could do was cry. What was worse? I was crying in front of this friend... My older sisters friend and I looked like a baby. My son I had just put through the same thing. I had a client and I scolded him in front of her. I told him how selfish he was and that I was angry. I should actually have laughed because now that I am sitting here writing I realize that any kid would have done what he had done without total supervision. Free rein on the chocolate...OH YEAH. I believe I have an apology to make and some explaining to do. I ruined the afternoon... not him. I acted like a baby.... an adult baby, the worst kind of all.

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