grrrrrr

Today was awesome. We had the best time kayaking. We grilled out steak, Mushrooms, onions and corn on the Cobb it was delicious. However my evening was s@#$.

I am so sick of hurting and crying and being venerable. I hate being me sometimes. I am sure this is normal and sorry I am having a very hard moment right now. You know that ache in your chest you get when all you want to do is scream? And even after screaming it just doesn't feel like enough. At this very moment that is where I am at.

My intentions today were to tell you about kayaking, the coral reef and all of the marine life we saw. I wanted to share about the sun burn I received and the joy on my daughters face and right now I just don't care. I don't have those lovely feeling inside to give the story the excitement and delight it deserves.

The truth is tonight I am not miss nicey nice and sunshine. The truth is even those who love us or who we love "F" up sometimes. The truth hurts..... such a cliche, but undeniable. I am angry and in while it will be over. The forgiveness will set in and all of this anger, sadness, and ache will seem silly and even non existent. Funny how all the bad goes away when we love someone.

So tomorrow I will be in a better mood I am sure. For now I need to wallow in my self pity. Cry... cry and maybe a little more crying. Be gentile to myself and allow me to go through what I need to go through.