Tuesday, February 23, 2010

reminder to myself... be greatful

I need to remind myself to be greatful. I have several stories. Some may remind you of someone but may not be who you think. Some may make you cry and others you may see a silver lining. What ever it is you get from them maybe different than what I got or others got from them. It doesn't matter as long as at the end of the day you are a bit more greatful for what you may or may not have. Here it goes.

Once upon a time there was once a beautiful little girl. She had a very rough life growing up and was a handful herself. She started drinking and partying and soon she was hooked on drugs. She moved from place to place always in search of happiness. She royally messed up her life and later found love and acceptance from a biker. The biker liked his cigs, drugs and drink. They had 2 beautiful girls. The girls grew up tough with attitude and found out in their early teen years that their mom (the orginal girl that this story is about) had cancer. She beat her cancer and began smoking again and it wasn't long before the cancer returned. Yet again she beat the cancer but this time her hair fell out and the chemo burnt up her esophogus. Repeatedly her throat would have to be stretched just to be able to swallow again. Although this beautiful but sad girl had beat cancer twice yet again she began to smoke, and her husband smoked around her. This girl was just diagnosed with brain cancer. She has 5 tumors on her brain in different locations.

Once upon a time there was a scared little girl. She was always in fear of messing up and getting into trouble so she never really lived life. She met her fiance in high school and had big dreams for a college and an education in culinary arts. However, those were her dreams and not of her parents who turned up their noses at her passions and suggested business school instead with a promise of a car. So the girl began her parents dream. Off to business school she went along with her love. Her love went to be an electrical engineer only because he felt envy for his cousin who went to the same school and graduated in the same major and had great success. He wanted to find praise, success and approval from his family. Unfortuately, his major wasn't his strong point and he didn't have the drive or passion. He failed and was kicked out of school. The girl who loved him so missed him and found great depression with him gone and she too dropped out to go follow her man. The girl never got the car but did marry the man of her dreams. They had a couple of children and worked very hard, However, the paychecks were small and other complications with family came in to play. Eventually the husband went back to college and found his passion in life while the girl worked to help him through. Later they moved far away and the husband got a pretty good job but still not good enough. They had no choice but to become homeless in this nasty recession, Living with their 2 children in a small office space secretly. very few people knew and kept their secret for them. Now they still struggle to pay the bills and have nothing to show for all of thier lifes efforts. They are a family, they love each other very much and all though they have nothing they have a strong family bond. They say it is more than most have today.

once upon a time there was a little boy. He grew up in a small town and had many friends. He was a little disabled mentally but that did not stop him from doing everything all of the other little boys and girls did. His family didn't have much, a bit of a run down home and an old truck but he had many brothers and sisters and he loved them all. When this little boy became a teen he was diagnosed with cancer. He went through many painful remedies but was doomed to lose the battle in the end. He died a couple of years later, in the arms of his brothers listening to his favorite rock and roll music on MTV. He finally had peace and was no longer in pain. He left behind many who miss him and never have forgotten him.

I wish I knew wonderful stories of people who had good fortune. People who got the winning lottery ticket when they had nothing, of People who give to those without just to make a difference and I mean giving big. I heard of a story once of a man who had millions and chose every christmas to go and walk the streets and give money to who ever he ran into. I wish I could shake his hand and I wish sometimes I was in the position to be him and put a greatful smile on everyones face. If anyone knows of such a story... well... please share them with me. I could really use them right now.

Monday, February 15, 2010


valentine's day.... most think it I for lovers only. Well I suppose it kind of is. I am all for a Day that inspires love. There is so much dislike in the world now days just think about it. For example(s)....most of us hate Mondays. When was the last time you had someone say to you "OH GOODY .... IT'S MONDAY"? What did Monday do to anyone except bear the responcibility of being the first day of the work week, only Friday, Saturday & Sunday get the true glory and love. Ever heard the saying " I want it like I want a shot in the a$$" ? Of course that means we really don't want it.... what ever it is we don't like it. However that little shot... that 10 seconds of discomfort should be praised for keeping us well. Some chose to hate the weather. I know because I thought I hated snow... now I realize I love the stuff. Some hate John & Kate.... OK poor example because ... well John & Kate don't put those babies on TV anymore!!! But really we don't know them. They could be messed up like the rest of .... just... hum greedier. We hate war. Yeah I hate it too.... but it has gone on through out history and well I am sure it will not change anytime soon, however we love the good that comes out of it. Yes there is good just ask any Jewish person who is here on earth today because one of their ancestors were saved in WWII. OK now for Valentines Day it's self. Some hate this holiday. They feel it is a waste of money. "The flowers are just going to die and the chocolates will make me fat" . Well that isn't really why now is it. Excuses. It isn't about the gifts it is about who we share the day with. Now I am lucky enough to have found my sweetheart young. I am lucky enough to have 2 wonderful children, I have my Mom, Gram & Sister. I have Awesome friends and what a gift to tell them all HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY and that I love them.
As far as money spent.... to be honest we are so broke there was not money to spend. I made home made cards and still had our Christmas feast in the freezer ( I had surgery christmas eve...so we never really had christmas this last year) so I cooked that and lit a few candles. I set up our dinner table outside, under the stars and put on the love songs. Vertually free. A day of love not of hate. By the way things we love and understandibly so: I am up there with chocolates, music, hot chocolate on a coldday, bon fires, dancing, old movies, the smell of hot apple crisp, playing footsies, skinny dipping, massage,laughter, moon light and stars, ocean water, warm gentile breezes, a good cry, a big bear hug, the first kiss, hot pizza and good company, a shared secret .... so much to love.... but often hate gets all the attention.

Friday, February 12, 2010

I feel like Rip Van Winkle

I feel like Rip Van Winkle.  Okay so I put my back out 3 days ago and well I am finally feeling better.  How did I do this?  Well imagine 1 child who isn't feeling well and another feeling unusually ambitious.  I get back from my outing with "My Boy" and these 2 children have decided to clean areas that do not need cleaning.  They put up screens that shouldn't be up up the way they put them and crack the glass to our display case in the office.  So I let it go knowing that they were trying to be helpful but ask they please do not help out in the office any more but to clean up their own space if possible.  Then I make sure to let them know that I am taking "My Boy" now and to not do anymore clean up or get ambitious whille I am gone, AND WHAT HAPPPENS???? I get back to my Wyatt crying because he accidently spilled paraphin wax all over the office carpet.  My responce???  Thats okay I know how to fix it just don't touch it.  Then I walk through the door and it is seemingly the size of Eligo Pond.  AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!  and they tried to vaccume it up with my new vaccuum!!!! and DUG IT IN TO THE C A R P E T !!!!!  OOOHhhhh boy, here it goes patients out the window, the rage, the fury!!!! SHEER PANIC!!!  Tears start to flow as I see this project that now sits in front of me.  Anger, and a quick "get out"!!!! the kids disappeared and I well had a melt down. 
Quick get the iron, paper towels, and a puddy knife!!!! no time for dinner "make yourselves peanut butter sandwiches and a glass of milk"  I tell the kids.  Then on to hours and hours of ironing the rug for Chad and I.  Thoughts that run through your mind during  this...

#1 I don't have the money to replace this carpet
#2 this "F"s getting back home to VT this year!!!
#3 this carpet SUCKS anyway and needs replacing...Yeah...

hours later the carpet is passable and we are exhausted.  Now I can laugh because those 2 kids never meant to sabotage the evening and I am sure they didn't want Peanut Butter.  How quickly after I was mad did they get along and work together to clean up their space, and you know what?  I spilt candle wax on my parents rug when I was little and I believe that my parents went through the same emotions.  What good came out of that day when I was little is I learned how to take wax out of carpet.  Who knew as an adult the lesson would come in handy.  Oh by the way cleaning the carpet is how I put my back out so I am sure that my children will never forget either this wax incident and I am sure extra guilt goes along with it for them knowing that I am in pain. 
Thank Goodness for painkillers though...
and I guess Thank goodness to lifes little educational moments.

Monday, February 8, 2010

OK So Here's The Deal

Okay so here's the deal.... No I still do not have the internet at the office however I realize that I need my blog. So here I am at the local library while my time ticks away before it shuts down on me. Until my situation ends.... well.... these will be recipe free blogs. However blogs full of meaning to me and well who ever feels the same that I do sometimes.

So as most of you know I recently lost a loved one and the reason why I know most of you know is because I had a wonderful time with you while visiting home. I have to tell you life in Hawaii hasn't been the same since my visit and well only one of you really until today knows what I have been going through and I thank this person for their words and ears. It is not habit for me to call someone during my time of need but I felt such a pull to call this person and it truly was the right thing to do. I have learned a lot by being so far away from my true home. I have learned to stand on my own and I have grown up a whole lot. I have learned not to take all of you special people for granted and try to say everything I can to let you know what you mean to me.... just in case anything should ever happen while I am away. I never want to feel like I never told someone something and carry it with me forever. I have learned that the ones who really care are there no matter what and maybe sometimes life needs a good review to move on and make the best choices for youself. These lessons I have not taken lightly.

Loosing my Gramp has put me in such a place I have never been before and to be honest I am not 100% sure why. I prayed that Gramp would be taken Christmas day and the good Lord answered my prayers. I thought I was fine. Being here made me realize a few things  (time for that life review). We may come home a bit sooner than expected #1. We will see. #2 (I have shared this with only 1 friend) When I was home I should have inhaled my time with all of you a whole lot deeper or exhaled it a little slower because you all mean so much to me and I am feeling the loss of you all too. #3 Thanks to a very close friend... who laughed at me during our talk because Wendy just hasn't figured out that she is not super woman all the time (thanks for laughing I really needed it... seriously) I have learned to (let me see how did this person put it?) sob like a ninney.

Finally I am feeling better and that is why I can share with you now and begin to move on again. Wendy is getting her groove back!!!
Whooo Hooo!!!!